Dr Ho
by Mark Taylor

Reviewed by Peter Steptoe for The Croydon Advertiser

The programme says that “Theatre Workshop Coulsdon Festively Presents”, and so they do with their spoof on the James Bond save the world sagas; though in this case it is to save Father Christmas.

This group are good with gadgets and the opening showing a spaceship devouring Santa’s sledge draws a well merited round of applause. I know the idea of rescuing the red clad old codger is not new but it is probably the first time that Bond has been involved.

The jokes are excellent but I can’t quote any as the show is still running. In addition there are some new set pieces. I particularly like the translation episode where Chinese, German and Russian are involved and the denouement at the end is quite unexpected.

Mark Taylor is a pretty talented fellow because not only does he write and direct the piece, he is also the musical director who plays a mean piano and keyboard.

Neil Grew is an impeccable Bond who gives us the occasional phrase in a magnificent Sean Connery accent. He cleverly does not overdo it and is only once upstaged and this by a five-year old girl in the audience. “Where did they go?” he cries. “The bad lady took her off that way” she says, in the authoritative voice of a future leading lady.

The Bondettes, Kimberley Argles, and Tanya Allison are musical sophisticates who can belt out the well-known numbers that keep us unshaken but stirred.

Ada Bagwash (Chris Blakeney) looks quite glamorous after her promotion to “Blond Bomb Moll” and I am sad that they have cut out her bikini wearing scene. The homely, North Country accent somewhere in the Pennines suits her prosaic character and though we are encouraged to say “rubbish” when judging her performance, we don’t mean it.

The villains are Dr Ho (Richard Lloyd) and Ernst Stavro (Bruce Montgomery). The former is the usual impassive epitome of villainy, saved only by a devotion end expertise in the history of lettuce; whilst the latter is addicted to cats and sounds like “We have ways of making you talk” from ‘Allo ‘Allo.

Chris Argles is an aged Agent 001, well you will be if, as the number suggests, you are in at the beginning. I like his bifocals though they look more like sixfocals.

Lisa Lloyd is an attractive Miss Moony-Botty and I didn’t know whether to fall in love with her or Kitty Amour (Heidi Bush). They both fancy Bond anyway.

I must confess to being perturbed when a fellow journalist from the Croydon Advertiser, also purporting to be reviewing this piece, is shot and killed after his notebook is found to contain derogatory remarks about their play. I hastily concealed my own. Whatever happened to freedom of the press?