John Shaw – Theatre Workshop Coulsdon

The Sins of Cinderella

Running from 1976 to 1981 on BBC TV was a series now mostly forgotten. Called ‘Star Turn’ and broadcast on the Sunday tea-time slot, it was effectively a children’s version of the popular radio show ‘Give Us A Clue’. Hosts Bernard Cribbins and Graeme Garden would attempt to direct a gaggle of celebrities to undertake various challenges. One regular feature was a short audio play, with the all the participants gathered around a microphone to read the adventures of ace detective ‘Ivor Notion’. Each adventure would feature some form of crime (usually some form of theft, as this was kid’s TV after all, so no serial killers), and the guilty party would be found out by the studio audience by spotting three mistakes.

The script for one of these playlets was taken by Theatre Workshop Coulsdon to use as a showcase for some of our talented youngsters, and performed before the curtain went up for Lionheart! or The Arabian Knights. ‘The Sins of Cinderella’ was set backstage at a provincial theatre, the Gigglesborough Empire, where they’re trying to stage a pantomime. All does not go well, but who is guilty of more than crimes against acting?

Lionheart! or The Arabian Knights

Are you a sucker for the mysterious orient? Dashing bandits and svelte houris, idyllic oases and teeming souks, hawk-faced magicians, desert-defying caravans, corrupt Grand Viziers, gorgeous palaces, and Ray Harryhausen-style special effects? ‘Lionheart! The Arabian Knights’ is an eastern concoction into which every conceivable Arabian Nights cliché has been stirred, seasoned with a tiny twist of alternative history, and cunningly bound together in a traditional pantomime recipe, featuring lots of familiar ingredients and a dash of local flavour.

As part of his fiendish plot to defeat Richard the Lionheart, the evil Saladin sends his henchmen on a magic carpet to Merrie England, to abduct Richard’s Sweetheart, Thomasina. But Saladin’s bungling agents, Oshgosh and Babu, return instead with Thomasina’s irrepressible auntie, Dame Dollop – who quickly proves that the wicked Caliph has bitten off rather more than he can chew.

Thomasina meanwhile, travelling to join King Richard’s Crusade, encounters the dashing brigand, Hassan the Bandit. Hassan, (who may not be quite what he seems) is no friend to Saladin, and together with Thomasina they set out to rescue Auntie!

With the help of an assortment of genies, assassins, eunuchs, Turkish wrestlers, dancing girls and pantomime camels, Dame Dollop escapes from the harem to outwit Saladin, and allow Richard to recapture the holy city of Jerusalem, and all in time for Christmas Day!

A hilarious, original, and thoroughly entertaining pantomime, guaranteed to transport all involved to the land of the Arabian Nights.

The Christmas Cavalier

The Witchfinder-General, Roundheads and Cavaliers in a festive panto of Olde England!

From 1642 to 1651, there was a war between the King and his Parliament. Parliament won the war, and King Charles lost his head…

Set in the time when the puritan Lord Protector, Oliver Cromwell, ruled England, this lively and magical panto opens with the arrival of dastardly Witchfinder-General Nicholas Grimnasty in a local village, intent on suppressing frivolous and ungodly Christmas festivities – and rooting out a few witches at the same time!

Grimnasty and his gormless Roundhead sidekicks, Matthew Smallpiece and the Stupid brothers, soon tangle with the outrageous Dame Dumplings, driving force behind the village Christmas party! Unfortunately, it’s not long before Dame Dumplings’ lovely niece Emma Sweetly has fallen foul of the wicked Witchfinder, and is thrown into Grimnasty’s grisly dungeon.

But the Witchfinder-General’s villainy comes to an extremely sticky end, after his efforts to spoil Christmas are thwarted by an unlikely alliance of Sir Daniel Dash, a bold and gallant cavalier, a dancing bear named Bottom, and three real witches, who could almost have wandered in from a certain blasted Scottish heath…

A brisk yet enchanting pantomime, offering a traditional festive flavour of Olde England, but played out before a very appealing and colourful new historical backdrop, with lots of excellent opportunities for most attractive costumes and settings.

Santa In Space

This out-of-this-world pantomime starts in the depths of outer space, where the evil Vileun the Vile is celebrating the culmination of his plan to bring the entire Universe / Galaxy / Solar System (We don’t think he’s dreadfully bright, as he doesn’t seem to realise they’re very different things) under his dominion. His muddled mystic, Astra the Astrologer, lists all his successes, before finally telling him that the job is not yet done. The planet Earth remains unconquered. And the key to its downfall and Vileun’s ultimate success? The kidnapping of Santa Claus!

Meanwhile, in the little village of Merrydale, Dame Dangle and the village children are preparing for the upcoming seasonal celebrations when two visitors arrive. One is the Dame’s nephew, Captain Dick Daring, on leave from his regiment to visit his favourite aunt. The other is Crystal, a young lady who’s come all the way from the North Pole to speak with the village’s friendly inventor, Professor Atnas. The Professor is, of course, not what he appears, but is actually Santa Claus himself, and when Crystal informs him that he must return to the North Pole to resolve an issue with the Elves, he begins to quickly pack up his things, including his robot, Roberta.

But it’s too late. Before he can leave, Vileun and his henchmen Null and Void land their spaceship in Merrydale, and with the aid of a hypnotised Dame Dangle succeed in kidnapping the jovial giver of presents and take him back to Varbos!

Can Captain Daring, Dame Dangle, Roberta the Robot, the lovely Crystal and a rag-tag collection of village children fly to the rescue? Can they save Christmas? And the world? Of course they can!