Inspector Drake and The Time Machine

David Tristram

Performed at Coulsdon Youth and Social Centre
Six performances from March 27 – April 3, 2004 📅

About the Production

The professor’s dead body is found floating in the study, his daughter has vanished, and everything points to the mysterious time machine sitting innocently in one corner. Can Inspector Drake, ably hampered by Sergeant Plod, solve this crime that defies logical explanation?

In the course of the investigation, and by a freak of science, our heroes are hurtled into the year 2950, and onto the deck of an alien spaceship. Plod becomes momentarily super intelligent, and tries to make love to a robot, while Drake uncovers a fiendish plot to take over the world and falls into the groping hands of the sex-starved High Priestess of Zircon. The Met’s new guidelines for policing don’t cover this!

The one-liners fly fast and furious in this absurd comedy from the prolific pen of David Tristram.

The Cast

Luke Argles Inspector Drake
Chris Blakeney Sergeant Plod
Richard Lloyd Jack, the Forensic Scientist
Lisa Lloyd Miss Duck
Vanessa Buck The Maid
Mike Brown Iei, a Zirconian
Penny Payne Maki, a Zirconian
Nancy-Jane Maun Luni, a female android
Lisa Lloyd The High Priestess of Zirconia

Behind the Scenes

Chris Argles Director
Mark Taylor Music composed and recorded by
Kevin Boot Stage Manager
Gill Doran Stage Crew
Steve North Sound and Sound Effects
Michelle Tomas Sound and Sound Effects
Jonathan Wales Lighting
Mike Brown Set Construction
Kevin Boot Set Construction
Steve North Set Construction
Richard Lloyd Set Decoration
Chris Argles Set Decoration
Fiona Harrison Set Decoration
Mike Brown Properties, including TARDIS time machine
Sheila Bird Wardrobe
Gill Doran Wardrobe
Michelle Tomas Wardrobe
Tim Young Box Office
Julia Young Box Office
Penny Payne Box Office
Sheila Bird Front of House
Hannah Honeyman Front of House
Alex Martin Front of House

The Reviews

Four Stars awarded

It’s one thing to opt for one of David Tristram’s ‘Inspector Drake’ plays where the one-liners are fired off in very rapid succession. It’s another thing to gather a cast which can cope and not “corpse”.

In Chris Blakeney and Luke Argles, Theatre Workshop found the perfect pair as Plod and Drake respectively. The plot is off-the-wall – literally, as the murder the famous detective is called in to solve starts with suppositions around the outline showing how the body of the dead professor lay – but this outline is on the wall. This defies explanation from police pathologist Jack, given a heavy Brummie accent by Richard Lloyd.

The jokes fall thick and fast. “A good murder never hurt anybody” and they continue in that pantomime vein. Some are visual, like Drake’s cleverly-accomplished entrance as the stuck door bursts open on the hinge side, yet reverts to its correct opening for later users. The build-up for the punch line about a telephone call is excruciating as Drake uses a hairdryer to waft away Plod’s “bad air” and then takes a call on it – working towards “getting on the blower”. The plot is further confused by an ancient cat-loving maid (Vanessa Buck), the butt of one of the sicker jokes.

The set boasts a perspective garden backdrop and a splendid replica TARDIS which would have easily fooled Dr Who.

Act Two is set in the thirtieth century, where we meet wonderfully-dressed aliens Elii, Maki and Luni, this last being a robot with a Madonna-like pointed basque. Tall Mike Brown was in charge as Elii, Penny Payne his chief assistant Maki and Nancy Jane Maun the repetitive robot.

Lisa Lloyd gives Drake the come-on in both centuries, first as Duck, friend of the dead professor’s daughter, then as her own granddaughter who is High Priestess on the Zirconian Space Cruiser. Her aim is to invade Earth because their planet is dying and they need the “manhood” of earthlings to help the Zircons survive.

Director Chris Argles’ production maintained a galloping pace, where laughter was constant and the standard high.

Theo Spring for The Croydon Advertiser, Friday April 2 2004

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