Panto Goes West

Richard Lloyd

Performed at Coulsdon Youth and Social Centre
Six performances from December 11–19, 1993 📅

About the Production

Saddle up your horses and load your six-guns! This rootin’ tootin’ script (also known as ‘The Ballad of Hamster Gulch’) is headin’ back to the Old West for a rip-roaring pantomime adventure. All the very best of traditional pantomime, including custard pies, explosions, amazing costumes, and masses of audience participation, but with the added attraction of a brand new story and setting, way out on the prairie! From quick draws to man-eating saloon doors, and from bandidos to baked beans, not a Wild West clichĂ© is omitted, and no opportunity missed to lasso the audience into the action!

Our tall tale relates the fiendish efforts of Badman Jake McCabe and his redskin sidekick, Speaks Like A Rattlesnake, to set Big Chief Running Buffet on the warpath – all in order to spark off a range war and get the Indians driven onto a reservation. With Running Buffet and his people out of the way, McCabe and his mad, bad hombrés, Dopey Hobart and The Cactus Kid, can get their sticky hands on the gold buried beneath them thar ancient burial grounds of the Magwumpa Sioux.

Fortunately, McCabe’s wicked plot is thwarted by an unlikely alliance of Clint Cougar of the Texas Rangers, Red Indian maiden Sings Like Mountain Stream, ornery ol’ timer Gus Varmint, and Clint’s outrageous auntie over from England – Calamity Dame!

The Cast

Bruce Montgomery Big Chief Running Buffet, (He has no reservations)
Tatiana Allison Speaks Like a Rattlesnake, his squaw - Not nice
Sinead Russell Sings Like Mountain Stream, daughter to Running Buffet
Chris Argles Badman Jake McCabe, a mad, bad hombre, muchachos
Daniel Ireson The Cactus Kid, a prickly customer and hired gun
Luke Argles Dopey Hobart, a desperado cowpoke in the pay of McCabe
Tina Bretman Clint Cougar, of the Texas Rangers
Rebecca Ford Miss Candy Stripe, gorgeous, but stupid
Lisa Lloyd Sherrie Trifle, proprietress of the Hamster Gulch Saloon
Robert Del Toro Pedro Tortilla, a gay pistolero
Neil Grew Gus Varmint, an ornery ol' timer
Tim Young Hank Plank, Sheriff of Hamster Gulch
Pete Bird Jethro Plank, Deputy Sheriff, brother to Hank
Andy Robinson Johnny Stetson, a cowpoke and part-time bartender
Mike Brown Calamity Dame, Clint's Auntie from Coulsdon
James Crouch A Red Indian Brave, roofless and savage
Simon Crouch A Red Indian Brave, roofless and savage
Phil Gunstone A Red Indian Brave, roofless and savage
Jonathan Wales A Red Indian Brave, roofless and savage
James Crouch A pantomime hoss, part one
Phil Gunstone A pantomime hoss, part two
Sean Young The Milky Bar Kid
Mark Taylor Band - Piano and keyboards
Peter Gregory Band - Synthesisers
Kevin Gibbons Band - Drums and Percussion

Behind the Scenes

Richard Lloyd Director
Tanya Allison Musical Director
Mark Taylor Original music composition
Mark Hobbs Technical Coordinator
Richard Lloyd Set Design and Decoration
Peter Gregory Sound
Jeremy Simms Lighting
Lisa Lloyd Wardrobe
Tim Young Box Office
Rob Ickinger Front of House
Jeremy Ronald Front of House
Lesley Argles Refreshments
Suzi Boot Refreshments
Sheila Crouch Refreshments
Julie Montgomery Refreshments

The Reviews

About halfway into the evening, Calamity Dame exclaims “This is beginning to sound like a proper pantomime!” One certainly sees her point. Pantomime is a broad church – the very word itself means “imitator of all” – but what are we to make of a show that begins with a declamation in trochaic tetrameters, a la Hiawatha and is largely concerned with the expropriation of Indian land by rapacious white settlers?

Well, take it or leave it, that is what author and director Richard Lloyd has dished up for our entertainment at Coulsdon’s Youth and Social Centre. Subtitled The Ballad of Hamster Gulch, it shows that panto can go west in more ways than one.

Once you have adjusted your mental set, you can sit back and enjoy an intriguing entertainment. The first real intimation that you might be in Pantoland comes with the arrival of Mike Brown, got up as a big bold brassy broad, clumping into the saloon at Hamster Gulch in boots which would grace the shed at Stamford Bridge. He, or she, is Calamity Dame, all the way from Coulsdon, aunt to Clint Cougar of the Texas Rangers, who appears in the slim and graceful form of Tina Bretman. So that’s taken care of the gender bending; now let’s get on with the show folks.

The baddie is Jake McCabe, whom Chris Argles works valiantly to make us hate, and partly succeeds. His thunder, though, is always being stolen by his sidekicks, Daniel Ireson as the sharpshooting Cactus Kid and Luke Argles as Dopey Hobart, a nana with a banana, which cryptic description may be better understood at first hand.

The perils of baked beans are freely aired in a bright and breezy show of which Tanya Allison is the musical director, and whose stronger contributors include Rebecca Ford as a dumb blonde and Sinead Russell as a bright redskin.

Donald Madgwick for The Croydon Advertiser, December 17 1993

Other Productions