The Three Musketeers – Le Panteau
About the Production
Our pantomime version of ‘Treasure Island’ was not only immense fun for us to do, but proved to be a big hit, not just here in Coulsdon but in the wider world of amateur theatre. In the two years since its publication, there have been over 60 productions of our tongue-in-cheek swashbuckling tale!
So, what better reason to give another classic story of adventure and derring-do the pantomime treatment. Like ‘Treasure Island’, ‘The Three Musketeers’ transcends age and generations, and has slipped across the border from literature into folklore. Written originally in 1844, there have been so many adaptations over the years, across so many media, that people who are perfectly familiar with the characters, the plot and the musketeers’ bold call to arms, have never read so much as a word of Alexandre Dumas’ original tale. Athos, Porthos, Aramis and D’Artagnan are no longer confined to the printed page, they are creatures of myth, with a life all their own.
So, our pantomime is not so much a spoof of the book, as a pastiche of the very idea of ‘The Three Musketeers’, only taking those parts of the plot and the characters that easily lend themselves to being funny. Yes, it does bear some resemblance to the original, but only very loosely (probably about as much as the usual Hollywood treatment). One very significant difference to most versions is that in ours, D’Artagnan and the other gallant comrades in arms are all played by women.
It’s our opinion that the female of the species can swashbuckle as well any male, but rarely are they given the chance. Well, here’s that chance, and alongside Dame D’Artagnan (the would-be musketeer’s aunt) and a pantomime snail (yes, really) they will fight for honour, justice and outright silliness, along with some excellent songs.
‘All for one, and one for all!’*
*For the record, Dumas may have used this as the Musketeers motto and made it famous, but guess who wrote it and used it first? Yep, William Shakespeare, in his narrative poem of 1594, ‘The Rape of Lucrece’. We’ll not be making a panto out of that.
The Cast
Behind the Scenes
Image Gallery
The Reviews
Clever spoof gives girls a chance to cut a dash
In pantomime, nothing is set in concrete. Traditions persist, but within them changes happen. Theatre Workshop Coulsdon is as keen as any local company to extend the boundaries a little, push out the frontiers, while keeping within the broad framework. This year they have come up with what they describe as “a spoof of a distillation” of Dumas’ classic novel.
Richard Lloyd, who also directs and plays the chief baddie, has given us not one but four Principal Boys, in the “shapely” shape of D’Artagnan and his swashbuckling friends Porthos, Aramis and Athos. Not that they, in their musketeering costumes, have any chance of showing off the shapely thighs for which Principal Boys are famous; but they are a fine crew all the same, singing and acting with all the breezy carelessness of their breed. So let’s hear it for Vanessa Hammick, (D’Artagnan) and Rosie Martin, Tanya Allison and Tina Poole.
Richard Lloyd himself plays Cardinal Richeleeugh (sic) with the voice and appearance of a Shakespearean grandee who can also stoop to the sneering mode of Villainy Incarnate, Steve North is his agent Roquefort, rather closer to the King Rat type of traditional panto.
Where I think this cleverly written piece may fall short of expectations is in the impact it will make on the kids in the audience. Weaned on glass slippers and magic lamps, they seemed last Saturday rather puzzled by an involved plot taking in such arcane matters as royal adultery and the true Quiche of Lorraine. Tim Young brings a nice mixture of geniality and regal amour proper to the role of King Louis, bringing the house down with his line; “Cardinal, you are the Weakest Link, Goodbye.” Anne Robinson could not do it better.
The musical part of the proceedings, directed by Mark Taylor, is of an unusually distinguished order. The singing fully matches the comedy, which is mainly provided by Chris Argles as the rough and ready (especially the latter) Dame Desiree. The Brokers’ Men (Les Hommes Brokeurs) are Simon Crouch and Heidi Bush, a willingly incompetent pair of buffoons.
No space to enumerate a large cast, but do give Lisa Lloyd a special boo for her slinky Malady De Splinter, even if delivered with an under-the breath “Phwoar!”
Donald Madgwick for The Croydon Advertiser
Foils at the ready
For Richard Lloyd to write a panto, direct it and play the wicked villain was a brave endeavour, but to include five thigh-slapping Principal Boys, the French King Louis, the Inquisition, the Prime Minister of England and the start of the French Revolution was a remarkable achievement. ‘Three Musketeers – Le Panteau’ was certainly different, but it had all the ingredients for a pantomime and worked very well.
The musketeers, Rosie Martin, Tanya Allison and Tina Poole, will fight anyone to protect the King, a fat slob played by Tim Young (I hope that was padding). Meanwhile, on a pig farm in Gascony, Desiree D’Artagnan (a wonderful characterisation by Chris Argles) keeps her nephew hard a work, but he (Vanessa Hammick, Principal Boy number four) wants to go to Paris, wearing his father’s sword, and join the musketeers. So, he leaves Auntie (who quickly follows him), sees the commandant of the musketeers (Penny Payne)and is set three tasks of bravery as an entrance exam.
The villainous Cardinal Richeleeugh wants to seize power and uses his guards to get rid of the musketeers. Ricard Lloyd’s villain had a really terrific laugh and truly fearsome presence, and gave an extremely convincing performance. Nearly as bad was his second in command, Le Chevalier Do Lobster Roquefort, played by Steve North, abetted by Simon Crouch and Heidi Bush as the Cardinal’s guards. The English Prime Minister of Neil Grew was a little too over the top even for panto, not helped by a completely inappropriate costume (all the other costumes were excellent). Amy Coates as the Queen looked and sounded very well, but her attendant, Constant Hon-hi-hon, as played by Emma Rose, took her French accent a little too far and was very difficult to understand. Her husband, played by David Cole, breeds snails and is followed around by a super creation, (with chances for cries of ‘It’s behind you!’, of course) inside which was Julie Wilson.
Being set in France the panto had to have some strongly anti-English tone, but that still didn’t excuse the two guards singing what could only be described as a lavatory humour lyric to the French national anthem, and even worse, getting small children up on stage to sing it with them.
Musical director Mark Taylor did a superb job on keyboard and piano. There were a few songs, but some wonderful music as background to the action.
Derrick Graham for The Surrey Mirror, Thursday December 14 2000
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